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Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Never a dull moment...(Even when I think I could use one...)

This isn't the post I was expecting to write tonight, but here it is anyway...

After a rather tough day and a couple of disappointments, I'm feeling kinda introspective

This post is incredibly hard to write, but I HAVE to... NOW... It may just turn out to be the most important piece I've ever written to date, and that makes it necessary to share it with ALL the people that love me...

If you're not "up" for a bit of a tough one, do something else till you are, I'll be here... ;)

My good friend, Ben Rozendal, literally saved my life almost a whole year ago... He says that God did it, but mere semantics aren't so real for me today. Homeopathy is though, it ran counter to ALL my training and experience, but it did what "modern" medicine just couldn't...

Living with chronic pain isn't living well, campers! Today, it seems like a really long, really bad dream... Most of the last decade sucked hard! It takes what it takes and I have few regrets today... Looking back, it barely seems real!

My life here in Amsterdam, however, is so VERY real... I LOVE just about every silly bit of ALL of it, and I owe Ben more for THAT than I can ever begin to hope to repay... We tend to get really grateful when the stakes are this high and I'm NO exception...

I think of the available alternatives and I can't help but cry like a freaking baby...

I was SO close to death, kids... Right here in Amsterdam... (it wasn't exactly the first time either...) I was suffering from Congestive Heart Failure and a wicked Depression because of the pain meds and I knew the symptoms entirely too well. I'd watched WAY too many die from the same things.... I really believed it was my turn to go. Hopefully in my sleep one night. I thought I was ready at the time...

Ben came into my life right after I'd given up, I thought I had no other choice... I truly support the right of people to choose the time and place on their own, THAT'S one of the critical reasons I moved here when I did, but I was pretty ziek... (I won't go into all of THAT here, it's WAY too much...)

I was also SO very wrong (for me, only! It's not my place to presume for anyone else, and this is personal, not political...) thank God!

Whomever He might actually be... Doesn't matter, I thank EVERYONE involved on a very regular basis, (I simply feel like I owe you ALL for the love you have shown me!) It isn't about "religion" though, I know better... Been there, done that AND got the T-shirt! THEY don't have the answers I seek...)

All that really, ultimately, counts, is that I KNOW how incredibly fortunate that I am to still be breathing the air in this place, at this time! I share this miracle at every opportunity, with most of y'all so I know that at least SOME of you might understand what I'm so passionately trying to say here...

Even when life is hard, it's truly good! I came close enough to losing it all to have a special appreciation for that...

I have a crystal clear picture of just how lucky I am and I felt a need to share it... Not to mention giving credit where credit is due!

See also: "I get the nicest comments..."